Commercials That Never Aired
by el jason
Summary: When I was locked in a vault I found many never before seen commercials and I wrote about them in this. It's really funny!
1. Default Chapter

Commercials That Never Aired 

a dumb spoof by el jason

Super bowl sponsors made some great commercials, but the spooty bards at the NFL didn't air them. Instead they put them in a vault never to be seen again. I was in that vault. How? They through me in there earlier because I dressed like a ref and marched around yelling... but that's not apart of what we want to see. Since I'm typing you can't ACTUALLY see the commercial, so we use our imaginations children! 

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MENTOS:

A crook walks into a bank holding a gun and some Mentos. Everyone immediately drops to the floor, as well as the guards who slide their weapons to the crook's feet. The crook walks up to the teller smiling with his gun pointed at her. She hands him a big bag with a dollar sign on it. The crook turns around and walks to the door. When he gets to the door he turns around and flashes Mentos to everyone. Then they get up and all say "Ohhhhhhhhh..." at the same time. 

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KIA:

That Kia guy (Frank) walks out of a store with a grocery bag in his arms. He sees a Kia getting towed away, and walks up to the crowd watching. He says " Isn't... that... MY car?!?!!?" , and the crowd says " It is isn't it..." Then they walk away laughing and some mumbling "Stupid bastard." Frank drops to his knees screaming " DAMN YOU FIRE LANE! DAMN YOOOOOOOOOU!"

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PING PONG MESSAGING: 

A monkey sitting in a tree holding a banana types to a monkey in a crowded zoo "I hate these dumbass people!" The monkey in the zoo types "You should do what I do."

Peeling open a banana the monkey in the tree types "What?". As a small child runs past on fire the monkey in the zoo types "KILL THEM!" then starts laughing insanely. 

Monkey in tree jumps out chasing the camera man and it turns into a bad Blaire Witch parody.

Forgive loyal reviewers but that is all I could smuggle.

YOU- You stupid bastard! Three? You only took three?!?!

ME- Well... uh... I'll go get some more.

YOU- That's right! I not paying to read three stupid parodies!

ME- Um... you don't have to pay though...

YOU- Don't lip me!

More to come... please review.

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Disclaimer: I do not own or work for: NFL, Mentos, Kia, or Ping Pong. I do not mean to offend anyone, I am just trying to be funny. Please do not sue me! I am just a kid! 


	2. Commercials That Never Aired Part II

Commercials That Never Aired

Part II 

by Robert DiNero codename: el jason

By popular demand I was forced to get more commercials that we haven't seen before. I got them! But it wasn't easy, especially because my two-timing bastard of a partner, Edward Norton, double crossed me... I think they made a movie about it. Anyways I smuggled some more tapes, and believe-you-me they are **disgusting**. That's why I have a couple of disclaimers like this one.

I have to have this disclaimer because Edward Norton has me at gun point. Before you read these descriptions of****fake never before seen commercials I must warn you it is rated PG-13 so all of you ten year olds can go back to playing Poke'mon , and for you 13 year olds you can read this,** and most importantly **if you are a 13 year old girl... call me. This is nasty. You've been warned.

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Game Boy Advance

A small snowboarder is boarding on a toilet paper roll, the camera zooms out to see a bathroom. Army-Men are marching around the sink and Tony Hawk is skating in the bathtub. Then you hear a muffled echoing Mario and Luigi. "Mario which way?" "Upa here... oh no! That's the..." " The what Mario?" Mario and Luigi come out through the toilet while someone is sitting on it playing the Game Boy Advance. Then "Bathroom Advance" comes up on the screen while a speeding F-Zero car zooms past.

I told you it was gross. This next one is dear to me because after Edward Norton, who you shouldn't worry about anymore because... he's out...uh... killing imaginary friends (he shot himself). BUT ANYWAY this next one is dear to me, because I was saved from that retched vault by Jared (that fat Subway dude). He ate the wall. So enjoy.

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Subway

" Good news! Jared's diet is working for many more people!" Shows a **very** skinny woman. "Ally lost 60 pounds from her original 120!" Then Ally passes out. "Mark lost a whopping 34 pounds from his normal 434... what a fat sack of crap!" Huge guy on a scale gives a thumbs up. "Lindsey lost 98 whole pounds!" A skinny girl takes her head out of the toilet giving the impression that she was throwing up food. "And finally there's Jack. Jack lost a incredible 200 pounds from his average weight of 297." A small dying man lets out a terrible grown.

I bet a lot of people found that offensive. To them I say..."My bad." Speaking of offensive smokers find these commercials retarded!

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Truth

"We have had it with smokers at restraints, so today we'll show them" A waiter walks up to a guy smoking. "Here's you soup!" "Waiter! This has cigarette buds in it!"

This next commercial we've seen before, but oh well! Let's just think about it rather than make fun of it. It's the Nike Tag commercial... wow, that's a great commercial. That's all the time we have because Ben Stiller wants to milk me. So I will leave you with this to think about...Will I make a Part III? Will I beat Rocky in best series? Will they show this on Fox? Will we not be surprised if they do? Why is the answer yes? The End???  
  
Oh wait we're not done! I have another disclaimer! 

I do not own or am affiliated with any of the companies I named up there. I like Game Boy Advance, I love Subway's sandwiches, and I think people shouldn't smoke. If you didn't get the Edward Norton (the guy from Fight Club) and Robert DiNero jokes that was because your dumb. But I'll explain Edward Norton and Robert DiNero are in a movie called "the Score" and the joke were I say Edward Norton shot himself, that was making fun of the awesome Fight Club.


End file.
